Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/rhod rhod_20131026-1700a.mp3

Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen in London, with Barry Castagnola.

As you know if you've been listening to the show / last week, the show / been rebranded, re-launched, the new, bigger, better, who-knows, who-might-drop-in ... it's Rhod's-house-party sort of feel / early on, we / dish washer / still have the dish washer / think / it's more like a, sort of, Rhod's Coffee Morning / gone, to be honest / if you __ remember / a chap called Noel Edmonds / of course, yeah / he / every time / house party / a little bit of a cheat / Rhod's Coffee Morning / here we go / a new big launch / Rhod's Coffee Morning / every / the show / new feel / who knows who might pop into my Coffee Morning / coffee here / someone / Absolutely. / today's guest ... who knows? That's the beauty of not __ of, this kind of / who knows / drop in / I don't have to say / who knows / who knows / might be, might not be / stick / pipe, listeners / might be / who wants to know / might not be / big nose

This is Rhod Gilbert live on BBC Radio Wales with Mr. Barry C__, live from my kitchen / the dish washer / do you know / feature / different appliances / No. / background / maybe every week / remember / toaster / a couple of weeks ago / that was when you were here / that was / that one / pings / microwave / in a second / I think you / wrong way round / microwave pings / yeah / my toaster doesn't ping / what would you call that noise? / feature No. 1, ladies and gentlemen / what / noise / really a "pop" though, is it? / not / not / don't bother / pop / it's definitely not that. We've established that / is that / might be / listeners / what ... ladies and gentlemen, feature number 1 / who says this show is rubbish? / anyone might turn up / anyone might turn up / as well as / Rhod's Coffee Morning / new, relauched show / relaunched again / decided "Rhods Coffee Morning is much more appropriate to Rhod's House Party, 'cause / A / B / nobody / party / on Saturday morning / Friday night, which / isn't / feature No. 1 ... What was it, again? / Uh ... what noise does a toaster make? / how would you describe the noise a toaster makes / it's gonna be something / feature / if you / ring up and ... if you / ring up and ... if / say it / Yeah. / if you can write it down / text / difficult to spell but go for it / yeah / difficult / ring up and / then explain to them. / Yeah. / OK. / production team / ring us / explain to them / ring them / don't give up on the show, ladies and gentlemen. ... Sometimes it starts really bad, and, by the end, it's not that bad / quite a feature / Radio Times / quote / anyone might turn up / hang in there. You never know who's coming / it's Rhod's Coffee Party / Rhod's Coffee Morning / show / it's a hybrid / hang on / relaunch / Rhod's Coffee Morning. Jot that down / Rhod's Coffee Morning, here on Radio Wales / after twelve / brunch / coffee / Rhod's Brunch Club? / Rhod's Lunch Club. Rhod's Lunch Club / early / eleven o'clock / can't start / lunch / I know / from eleven / obviously / two shows / diffrent / features / today as well / is that today? / clock / back / go back tonight. ... Hang on a minute / that means / get an extra hour. Yeah, we get an extra hour / leave / makes / same times. We know / starts earlier / leave / brand of the show, is it brunch now, or lunch, or / clocks / back / maybe it is breakfast / Rhod Breakfast Club / rebrand / midday / for lunch / let me jot that down / that's probably the sort of / guest / pop in for lunch / never / Yeah. Rhod's Coffee Morning, eleven till twelve / news, etc. / and / completely different show / 12 till 1, rebranded, Rhod's ... what is it? / Lunch Club. / Lunch Club.

what noise does a toaster make? ... It's not a joke. Uh, this is a feature. / have we been inundated with, uh / asking Jack / Coffee Morning / shake of a head / I see that a lot. / no one yet / I / this is Rhod Gilbert, live on BBC Wales / Coffee Morning / till 12 o'clock / after news, / till one / But, the feature today, the big, burning feature, ladies and gentlemen, is, what noise does a toaster make. It's genuinely Barry and I / decided it's not a "ping" / microwave / not great / to be honest / this is absolutely true, listeners, / we have actually been / toaster down / release button / Jack / please / here we go / this is a toaster / regular, two-slice / Are you ready? / here we come / there you go, ladies and gentlemen / describe that noise / describe that noise, when absolutely nothing whatsoever. Just / show's got worse. / plus, not only that / slice of toast for that. / show's got worse ... plus, not only that, but / toaster / microphone / Jack just / a few crumbs on the floor now / why / music, Jack, get a brush and pan.

by the way, for / the toaster / this is our big feature / the day, ladies and gentlemen / Rhod's Coffee Morning / twelve till one / eleven to twelve, sorry / absolutely / mixed up with Rhod's Lunch Club. / Which is / of course, yeah. But before that / now / in the music / regretful about setting up this feature / in fact, you / head in your hands, and you said, "What noise does a toaster make / your actual words were / radio / to radio / my words, this show is ___ to radio / moment of clarity. / But I think the listners disagree / at least / two of them do / which is more than 50% / Helen N___, uh, has tweeted, / Yeah / she thinks the noise of a toaster is / tick, tick, tich, ting, pop. / OK. I know what she's talking about / posh / timer on it. We are not really talking ... thanks / but / not really talking about the build-up. We're just talking about the final, climactic ___, noise / "tick tick tick tong" sounds more like / name / pandas / yeah / and what we said earlier was "pop" / end / you said "pop" / may be at the / it's not "pop" / ping, didn't it? / you said "ping", but you / confused / mixed up / focus properly on toaster, you said / not "pop" / out to listeners, "What noise does a toaster make?" Jack, who's on the technical side / things / kitchen / mic__ed up the toaster / he's all over / straight away / third mic / miced up the toaster / stood next to the toaster with a microphone in his hand / wondering how / badly / all morning, on Rhod's Coffee Morning, one of our little lines / Rhod's Coffee Morning / who knows who'll turn up / never / third microphone / drops in to Rhod's Coffee Morning / here in London / anyone / friend / comedian / actor / showbiz / or a postman, / or a postman even. Now the third mic is / It looks like ... it looks like Jack's interviewing the toaster / it looks like / the best guest ... / today's / ladies and gentlemen / today's guest / my toaster / who / did / to be fair / to be fair, he is already here. He hasn't turned up / postman / toaster's just dropped in / see / condition / my kitchen / in / definitely / toaster / not microwave / established, I / mixed up / the amount of ready meals / I've ruined / ready meal / you've tried to heat up your toaster / three inches deeper / stuff / now, listen, it was as if / with a third mic / supposed to be for who-knows / drops-in guest / as he was / put my head in my hands / this show / radio / which it is. / quite curious to have a toaster / noise, please. / Here we go / Now I was gonna say there's a pop-up / that's not the noise we are looking for. That is may way of describing / at the moment / looking for a better noise to describe / toaster / Rhod Gilbert Coffee Morning / live until 12 o'clock, then, 12 to 1 / there's news / travelling, sports / twelve to one / Rhod's Lunch Club / who knows who might drop in / today's guest: The toaster / so far, the toaster, yeah. / third microphone / ladies and gentlemen, if you've just joined us / who knows who might drop in / toaster so far / today's feature is "What noise does a toaster make?" / gone mad / three / three / is it __ed? / we've got, uh, we've got __ who is listening from Malaysia. / Oh. / from Malaysia / she / are they still listening? / unbelievable / you've been in Malaysia right now, listening to / Radio Wales, whose guest is a toaster / just popped in / to see what condition my kitchen is in / not only listening, get involved / Yeah. What a loser! / tick tick / loser of the week / competition from the far east / tick tick / she says. / Tick tick cluck / that's / what noise / toaster make ... tick tick cluck? / yeah, she thinks / check on the eggs / so, um / what does she mean by that? / check on the eggs / I suppose / eggs / toast / that noise reminds / I mean, if it was me / concentrate on the eggs, and, uh, / toaster / that's what I would do. I would consentrate / work / concentrate on the eggs / my mother used to say / grandmother used to say / all / to be honest / yeah / next week's guest / eggs, actually. / some / two boiled eggs / next week's guest / we'll have to get another microphone. / S__ W__ says: thunk / what do you think? / it could, possibly / not so bad / say / wrong / I think there's more ... there's more, ... uh ... there's more metallic in there than "thunk" / there's a ... a higher-pitched, higher-frequency, metallic noise in there that isn't described by "thunk" / no / probably say / something / dropped on the ground / thunk / isn't it? / yeah / got / I can't quite pronunce. What do you think / C___ / it says / I can pronounce her name because ... What is it? It says ... her name __ on twitter / K U C / she also / texted the show / emailed the show, so I can pronounce / show / emailed / first / she's sent / doubled up. Uh, "Hi Rhod. Please / my husband Robert / pronuonced / very happy / despite being / Anglo-American living in Suffork / absolutely loves your show / Radio Wales / thanks very much from C__ / export / to be honest / ___ to radio / despite being an Anglo American living in Suffork / Anglo / generally don't like your show / I just ... I just think / not being Welsh / listeners / listeners from around the world / lonely, lonely people / Well, C__'s also tweeted in an entry for the, uh, "What noise / our big feature of the day / main guest: the toaster / could just, uh ... / don't panic, everyone / down / ladies and gentlemen / that's the noise we're looking for / says / now how / pronounce that? / admittedly I made up / I think it's / again, it's a clang / pong / nasal / metallic / sound people aren't getting / I'm not sure / nasal / what a feature, ladies ... and gentlemen / in front of the radio / toaster noise / toaster goes c__ / anonymous. / just / with / I don't think "clang" quite gets it, does it? / a grating, there's an elongated, uh, massive t__ / isn't ... doesn't convey by "clang" / good job / best bits / yeah / toaster feature / I think / we've got so far. ... Uh, "E___ Chapman says "I'm one of those freaks / listening to / here in Vancoo__ / show / freaks / here / nobody from Wales / she says / listeners from / not quite so exotic / do you think / the reason we've got / abroad / language b___. Do you think / realize / how bad it is? / do you think / what is toaster? / she definitely knows / sounds like good guest / she's saying / slow clicking / hot metal, and then / the thing is, / cheating / you can't just describe the very end noise / sort of / have a description of the rest / got to describe the sound in one word / H__ E__ / with / I think / mixed up with / steam train / mixed up / I / microwave, admittedly. But, at least / kitchen appliances / noise a toaster make / H___ E__ has gone for / - ch / four U's / to / Yeah. ... Sorry, H___, that's ... / Rhod Gilbert show / I think / splattle / nuh / I think it sounds like "pacha" ... maybe / when you read / few / out / you realize just / show / ___ Lewiss is very confident / definitely not a "pop" / 100% a "ching", tidy, high frequency, and a bit metallic / let's / put that down / front-runner / this is one of my favorite / show of all time. Uh ... it's a pretty good approximation / pretty good guess at the, uh, sound a toaster makes / second part / one of my favorite / it's from Mathew ___, I think. / Rhod Gilbert show / my toaster makes a "ka-chink" sound / yeah / right. now ... not bad / I'd say that's a front-runner / the fridge / the refridgerator sound / we were not actually asking, but thanks anyway. / very very very nice. I enjoyed that / fridge / simple

welcome / ladies and gentlemen, live, here from / Rhod Gilbert live on BBC Radio Wales / joined by friend stand-up comedian and, um, show-biz personality / special guest today / from, uh, / in the kitchen / you may remember if you / Rhod's Breakfast / coffee morning / yeah, coffee morning / toaster was the, uh, / who knows / the show / the toaster dropped in / condition / kitchen / toaster is still with us. The noise that a toaster makes / most popular feature ever. / Wow. / I would say it's second / how / tape / sorry. It was / masking tape / Right. / tape called / don't wanna paint / Now that's a feature / tell you what / running / two different shows / Rhod's Coffee Morning, and / Rhod's Lunch Club / thanks / all right / pleased to be here / we're running this / long time no see / running into / second show / double feature / saying / keeping the same feature because / guest here / stay on / phonetic nonesense / toaster / until tomorrow morning. / tomorrow / knocked off / half ten / in the morning / before / papers / papers / commenting / "Hi, Rhod / good morning, Rhod and Barry / Good morning. / The toaster noise I believe is / chewrct / I think, I think / missing / metallic is missing / there's a nasal / missing / either that, or / mad / OK / Evans in Swansy / what have you got / couple / including / from Sweden / people / with one guess / we haven't / again with a second / absolutely / do better / do you think / very definition / too much time in your hands / in Sweden / as we know / established / she's come back with / she needs a new toaster. / I think she needs a new toaster / sounds like your toaster is struggling to deliver the toast / remember / from, uh, from, uh, Coffee Morning / yeah, yeah / he stayed on / Lunch Club / back / chew / was his first entry / more / which I think we agreed was the worst entry so far / makes / absolutely ridiculous. And / Hew says / second tweet / apologies / previously / lightly riduculed efforts / come back with, uh,  / which, to me, is / come back with / just / rather than / that's / missing / base notes / Yeah, definitely. Sorry, H___. Maybe third time lucky / show / rebrand / "Hi, Rhod / lunch club / Comic Club / as a kid / before / get / remember / spy glasses / badge / I was a member of / B___ Club / dog with / moved. / good membership card / member of the / Dandy as well / club / member of both, really? / Well, my brother / strictly / was dandy / to be honest / But he was older / left / let's keep it light.

The toaster's still here, ladies and gentlemen / special guest this afternoon / actually / used / just / my wife has just popped in / condition / decided to use the toaster to make some toast, which I / because / could / anyway / through the papers / right now / I am, yeah / you are saying / actually, it's proving / quite popular feature, firstly / Yeah, but / let's not forget / taken off / taken off / big time / airwaves are flooded / doesn't make it a good show. / Oh / still doesn't / good story in the paper / good story in the paper. You know / non / non / non / can't buy me lunch / first of all, bear in mind, this is / can't buy me lunch / Paul / this is the headline / buy / the story / Paul M___ / amazed staff at __ vegetarian cafe / order for lunch / first of all / just him / vegetarian cafe / ordered / quite a lot of food / price / establishment, but quite a lot / expensive / all / including Wings / and his solo work / exactly / christmas / that isn't the sound of toast, by the way. That's the sound of toast being buttered / next week's feature / next week's guest is the butter / Coffee Morning / for Lunch Club / Beatles' legend / take-away / sandwiches / bakes and brownies. / that's / how / with a little help from his friends / can I just clarify what the story is / went into a ... a cafe / ordered / 120 pounds / Yeah, that's it. That's the story. / I've got / better / on the floor / exactly doing that. But / I'm more upset by the fact that / under the headline / can't buy me lunch / when clearly / bought / should / feature / can't buy me love / I think / somebody's emailed / this is / from R.H. Sanchez / this is from / evening post / couple of weeks ago / October the 7th 2013 / it / when you read that / better non-story of the week. So, yours / goes / friends / this is a good one / Welsh town / I didn't even know / tricky one / toaster make / that's a tricky one / town council considers color photocopier" ... That's the headline / Swansy town council / evening post / report / current machine which doesn't do color / make good sense / new / may wish / photocopier." says / South Wales Evening Post / roll up / our non-story of the week.

Our main guest today, ladies and gentlemen, uh ... all through / show / might / rebranded / people drop in; friends, comedians / our toaster / on the radio show today / it's a rollertoaster / puns coming in now / "Hi, guys" says Sophie / I think this is good / noises / not bad / our toaster says "__" / in Cardiff / get a grip

Sadly, D__ P__ / big fan of D__ P__ / she was rushed to hospital after / news / I was in / just a little tired and / all / very big fan / D__ / on this show / make / monty / air bags / It's nothing to do with air bags but it does say / big-boobed country music legends / 67 / driven by / guess / No. / Judy ___ / Ah. Big b__ / unbelievable. / now / unbelievable / if Dolly P___ / ladies and gentlemen / oh, dear / toaster / toaster joke / toaster joke coming. I bought / grill / grate (great) / two rounds / Booom! / from Stewart / well done, Stewart / toaster / chimp / no / nobody / absolutely not / nobody / I might have to / next / do / Rhod's Coffee Morning, eleven till twelve / rollover / get the color-photocopier / hoping / you never know who might drop in / coffee / twelve till one / hoping / photocopier next week / definitely / considering it / they / background / my puppy / just arrived / very well behaved / all / way / enjoying the show so much that / delightful little puppy she is / end of my / making / toast / he entry / nobody / toaster / toaster sound next week / I may, however, if / color-photocopier / what I may do is / another appliance / I might / wooden spoon / kitchen after all / noise / spoon / next time / Bye bye.

if / whole / live on Saturday mornings / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.